{"id":63,"date":"2020-08-23T03:11:38","date_gmt":"2020-08-23T03:11:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stories.mysecretdrawer.co\/2020\/08\/23\/the-right-way-to-enjoy-rough-sex\/"},"modified":"2020-08-23T03:11:38","modified_gmt":"2020-08-23T03:11:38","slug":"the-right-way-to-enjoy-rough-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/the-right-way-to-enjoy-rough-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"The Right Way to Enjoy Rough Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

You might like lighting candles, putting on mood music, and making slow, sweet, sensual love to your partner. No sane person will ever tell you that\u2019s a bad thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But let\u2019s face it, who doesn\u2019t enjoy a little rough stuff in the bedroom every once and a while?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some 70 percent of Americans<\/a><\/strong> enjoy some form of rough sex and bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism (BDSM), according to research. But the surprisingly high numbers shed little light on a subject that has somehow eluded candid public discourse except by way of movies and books.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Often, what does get dragged into the open are instances when rough sex turns into something else and someone ends up in jail \u2013 or worse<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Some
Some 70 percent of Americans enjoy some form of rough sex and bondage, dominance, sadism and masochism (BDSM) in the bedroom.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

When do things get rough, exactly?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Generally speaking, \u201crough sex is any sexual interaction that\u2019s more physically aggressive or possibly physically dangerous,\u201d Dominatrix and sex educator Lola Jean says in an interview with the New York Times<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But, as she says, \u201ceverything is subjective and what may be aggressive to one person isn\u2019t aggressive to another.\u201d That makes for a large swath of bedroom activity, doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fact is, anything outside your basic vanilla sex can count as rough sex. That includes dirty talk, to a consistent pounding from behind, to a brisk bum slap, or an all-out BDSM torture festival in your boudoir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The only requirement is the consent of all parties involved. If it isn\u2019t consensual, it isn\u2019t sex. It\u2019s assault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"If
If it isn\u2019t consensual, it\u2019s assault.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Basics of Enjoying Rough Sex<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you and your partner have decided to explore the world of rough sex and BDSM, then you should, rightfully, be excited. But it\u2019s important to know more about the subject before you two head to the bedroom with the paddles, handcuffs, and leather<\/a><\/strong>.      <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rough sex and BDSM are not usually dangerous, but some activities can be detrimental to your emotional or physical well-being. This is especially true if you\u2019re not open and honest, both with your partner and yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Below are a few basics to keep in mind when you and your partner decide to play rough. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communicate openly and honestly.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Chat with your partner. Talk about what acts you want to explore, what you\u2019re each hoping to get out of it, and why you\u2019re interested in exploring it. And b just as clear about what you do not<\/em> want!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even gentle lovemaking requires honest communication to be fulfilling. Being open and candid are that much more important when it comes to rough sex and BDSM.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Even
Even gentle lovemaking requires honest communication to be fulfilling.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Establish boundaries.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Rough sex is never entirely safe \u2013 and that is exactly why keeping it as safe as possible is vitally important. \u201cWhen you\u2019re engaging in rough sex, you\u2019ll have a heightened rush of adrenaline, which can influence how far you\u2019re willing to go,\u201d Daniel Saynt, founder of the private sex club NSFW, tells Healthline<\/em> magazine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Establishing boundaries and safe words helps minimize the risk that you will do something you will later regret. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Clear signals and safe words like \u201cyellow\u201d for slow down or nearing your peak and \u201cred\u201d for a full stop are absolutely necessary. They are the only things that hold the line between sweet hurt and real harm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Establishing
Establishing boundaries and safe words helps minimize the risk that you will do something you will later regret.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re into rough kink, don\u2019t drink.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Many of us have behaved foolishly, or said regrettable things, at a party while under the influence of some substance or another. The consequences of intoxication can be infinitely worse during rough sex. That\u2019s why it\u2019s important to be sober.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Although it’s often more tempting to play sex games when you’re feeling a bit tipsy, it’s best not to try bondage when you’re under the influence of alcohol, as you might misjudge how tightly to tie the knots,” say the experts at the sex toy retail company, Ann Summers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"The
The sometimes regrettable consequences of intoxication can be infinitely worse during rough sex.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Start slow, for your partner’s sake and yours.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Once you have established the boundaries, you can turn your attention to exploration. If you\u2019ve never tried any rough stuff before, those who regularly practice BDSM recommend that you start slow. Sex expert Emily Dubberley says this could mean something as simple as having rough doggy style sex while talking dirty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can also incorporate slightly more daring moves to your usual slap-and-tickle antics. “These could include hair pulling, face slapping, nibbling and sex toys”, says Dubberley. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

She does warn, however, that you should never slap anywhere near the ear as you might pop your partner\u2019s ear drum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"If
If you\u2019ve never tried any rough stuff before, those who regularly practice BDSM recommend that you start slow.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re going to use accessories, be prepared.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Unless you\u2019re into it, you don\u2019t need expensive props. \u201cSimply re-purpose something that you already have in the house,” says Dubberley. She suggests using ties, scarves, and dressing gown cords for restraints. \u201cThough tights and stockings would seem fit for the purpose, they are less than ideal as the knots can tighten to ridiculous levels and the fabric can dig in uncomfortably,” she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Should you decide to try more elaborate accessories<\/a>, be sure you are prepared for emergencies. Trust us, you don\u2019t want to be handcuffed to a bed post all day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you’re using handcuffs, keep two sets of handcuff keys nearby so you can release your partner quickly if need be,” say the experts over at the sex toy retail company, Ann Summers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Should
Should you decide to try more elaborate implements, be sure you are prepared for emergencies.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t be afraid to talk about the experience after the fact.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The violence – implied or actual – in rough sex can sometimes free deep-seated and previously repressed emotions. \u201cFor some people stuff comes up immediately after, the day after, or even later than that,\u201d Jean says. She urges couples to use the opportunity to expand communication and talk about the experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUnpack what you\u2019re both feeling, what can be done to neutralize any bad or icky feeling, and what you can do to eliminate any bad feelings and enhance any good moving if you do it again,\u201d she says in a separate interview with Healthline<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"The
The violence – implied or actual – in rough sex can sometimes free deep-seated and previously repressed emotions.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t forget aftercare.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Jean also emphasizes the need for what she calls \u201caftercare.\u201d Aftercare, she says, means treating your partner physically and emotionally after a round of rough sex. This might involve something as simple as a drink, a snack, and a blanket.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some couples might need to apply balm or antibiotics to affected areas, says the BDSM expert. Other types of aftercare include cuddling, a warm shower or massage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Aftercare,
Aftercare means treating your partner physically and emotionally after rough sex.
(Photo: Andrea Piacquadio\/Pexels)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDon\u2019t forget that both \u2018submissives\u2019 and dominants can benefit from aftercare,\u201d Jean says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember always that ‘rough sex’ is very subjective. Be aware of your partner’s desires and <\/em>boundaries. Enjoy the moment. If he or she won’t go to your level yet, be patient. Boundaries are often very flexible once trust is established.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you enjoy rough sex or have your inhibitions stopped you? We’d love to hear your story!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Who doesn\u2019t enjoy a little rough stuff in the bedroom every once and a while? Here are a few things to keep in mind if you like your sex so good it hurts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":64,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_angie_page":false,"page_builder":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[17,43],"tags":[94,95,96,97,98],"class_list":["post-63","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couples","category-lifestyle","tag-bdsm","tag-bondage","tag-dominance","tag-rough-sex","tag-sadism-and-masochism"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/64"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/espressoblues.com\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}